10 Years Down…Forever to Go!

My husband and I sign wedding cards usually by writing, “One day down, forever to go.” I thought it fitting to say the same thing concerning our 10 year anniversary today. 10 years ago today, after a few days of drama with family and friends, I walked down the aisle of First Family Church in Whittier, CA with my dad. My husband, Joshua standing at the stairs waiting patiently to take my hand. Beautiful music, written and performed especially for me by Grammy Award winning Wille Murrillo (on the  flugelhorn) and Russel Crain (on a classical guitar), played as I walked slowly towards my future husband. Our friends and family holding back tears of joy. Joshua’s uncle, Tim Storey officiating by way of jokes, celebrity references and “Do you take this woman, etc, etc.” All leading up the moment when Joshua and I kissed and began our new journey together.

So what have we learned 10 years later? What is the secret to our “happy” marriage? Here are ten things that we have discovered along the way:

1. You don’t fall in love…you choose to love. It’s a decision you make everyday; some days are easier than others.

2. Never say the “D” word (divorce). That word shouldn’t be part of your vocabulary…it can never be an option. Once you let it in…you create an out.

3. Dance. In living room, the bedroom, the park, at weddings, wherever. Find time to enjoy the simplicity of holding each other.

4. Be open. The worst thing you can do is hold in all the little things that frustrate you. Eventually the little stuff creates a big issue and you can’t help but explode. Be willing to talk even when you don’t feel like it.

5. Go for a walk and pass on the movies. Movies are great, but you can’t talk. After 10 years, there is still new things I learn about my husband every day.

6. Find a place to escape. We all need a little alone time every once in a while. I lock myself in the bathroom with some candles and take a break from being a mom, wife, planner to just breathe. My husband takes walks to Starbucks (it’s only 4 blocks from our house)…enjoys the fresh air and a cup of coffee. 

7. Say “I love you”. No, seriously…every day. Say it…it shouldn’t be assumed. And occasionally add why.

8. Leave the honeymoon behind. Realizing that each new phase of your relationship is different and beautiful in it’s own way can save you from feeling regret that it’s not what it used to be. Whether it’s the new home phase, or the new baby phase, or the new job phase or the loss in the family phase, enjoy and engage each new moment and don’t look back in disappointment because you don’t go out as much as you did when you were dating. 

9. Lie. Sometimes you have to lie. I gained a few pounds since our wedding day and my husband used to tell me it was because of the “damn” dryer. It was ruining all my clothes and making them smaller. I knew he was lying, but I appreciated it. I lie to him as well, when he makes his “famous”experimental spaghetti sauce that isn’t always as good as I tell him it is. He appreciates it as well.

10. Kiss. The simple act of touching lips seems to make everything better. It drowns out the phone calls, and the bills, and the crazy schedule. Kiss, if only for a moment…every day.

Wow, we learned a lot. Any other tips you would like to share…comment below. I’d love to hear them.

Single & Planning

Alright. I may get in trouble for this post, however, it is something that is rarely talked about. My single wedding clients. Yes, you read right. Single…wedding…clients.

I have had numerous secret folders over the years tucked away for women who began the planning process well before they found a man to marry. Are these some sort of strange weird women? No, they are young, professional, intelligent, strong women who know what they want.

If we are honest, most women have been secretly planning their wedding since they were probably five or six years old. For almost two years, my daughter has been talking about her orange and gray wedding (she’s now six). We (most women) love weddings. We love flowers and princess gowns and tiaras and romantic lighting, candles and dancing. We love the thought of the day…the thought of being the most beautiful person in the room.

Out of the many secret folders I have started, two are celebrating their wedding anniversaries this year…and a couple are planning their big day (with a fiancé in hand) as I write this.

Now obviously, styles change, sizes change, finances change and sometimes even our outlooks change…so, planning too far in advance could be difficult to say the least. However, there are a few fun ways to make the planning a fun, non-psychotic journey.

1. Don’t get too specific…pick some colors you like, but don’t necessarily pick the exact location and date. Pick some dress styles, but to get hung up on specific designers.

2. Remember to separate dream from reality…dream and dream well, but remember that when the time comes…reality sometimes has a different outlook.

3. Love it, pin it…whether you pin it in a folder at home or online via Pinterest, have fun piecing together all the many trends and ideas you can. Variety is your friend.

4. Keep it under wraps…nothing says commitment on a first date like finding a giant folder with tons of wedding clippings. It’s okay to dream…just don’t scare anyone away. Did I say that nice enough? (hope so)

5. Keep your chin up…being single is not a curse. Enjoy the moment you are in…right now. It will make enjoying the next moments in your life much easier and more beautiful.